It's a God thing...: In A Blink Of An Eye

We haven’t written a blog for some time because our adoption journey has had some twists and turns. We needed to sit in God’s silent moment to listen for his direction. I don't even know where to begin. Through God's grace Jim Bob and I made it to Ukraine without any problems. This was something we worried about because of Hurricane Irene, but God paved the way and we got here without delay. We couldn't believe after so many months of working so hard to get here, we were actually standing on the ground in Ukraine. Little did we know that God has something else up his sleeve for us. As we prepared for our meeting with the girls, we felt so anxious and excited to finally meet them. We boarded the nine hour train ride to their region with so many emotions at hand. When we arrived the next morning we went to our apartment to freshen up and get things prepared for our meeting. Jim Bob and I packed some things and off we went to the orphanage. When we got there we sat and talked with the director and caseworker. Then more people came into the room so that we could ask them questions about our girls. We didn't say much and then Nastya and Anya were called into the room. My heart skipped a beat, for the moment we have been waiting for all this time was now a reality. Nasya was wearing her best dress and looked just so precious. As Anya walked into the room there was almost an instant chill. She was so cold and distant. You could tell that she did not want us there. They director asked the girls a few questions and then we were told to go ahead outside and meet with the girls. The caseworker and our translator were with us during this meeting to help in any way they could. We showed the girls pictures of their friends back home and also pictures of our family. Nastya was just so engaged with everything we showed her but Anya just sat back with her legs crossed picking at her nails. She never made eye contact and made it clear she was not budging with her decision. After a few attempts to get her to interact with us the caseworker pulled her aside and told her about the opportunities she would have if she would go with us. Anya spoke back to her in a tone that even I knew was harsh. The caseworker looked at Jim Bob and I and told us to go out to lunch. She was going to talk with Anya and maybe then she would have her thinking about her decision. The caseworker put her arms around Nastya because she was upset about her sister’s behavior. We left and went to lunch but we both could barely eat. We then ventured back to the orphanage a second time to see if there was any change. Again, we were shuffled into the director’s office and then the girls were called in. Nastya came in with her head down and was upset. Then Anya came in. She had hair dye in her hair which gave me the answer that she did not want to be there so she made it a point to show that. Obviously with that in her hair she would have to leave to remove it. We asked Anya why she changed her mind about wanting us to adopt her several times and each time she would not answer. She would just say...I am not going. I looked at Nastya with such helplessness because there was nothing I could do. I just smiled at her and would wink and she would give me a big smile back. We then proceeded to ask Anya if she would separate from her sister and without a pause she said no, absolutely not. Nastya's eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip so that she would not cry. Seeing this made Jim Bob and I cry. I was just so heartbroken that Nastya had no say for which path her life could take. The director said I cannot honor the separation since Anya will not agree to it. Then the girls were told to leave because they had dance practice. I kept praying to myself Lord, I don't understand!?!?! You brought us all this way and I don't know what to do next. Jim Bob and I tried to collect ourselves as the director talked with us. She said that we could call back after 3 to see if Anya would change her mind after seeing her sister’s reaction. We did, and still the answer was no. Jim Bob and I had the right to stay in the region and try and return to the orphanage but we knew in our hearts that the answer was not going to change. Our translator got us a train back to Kiev that very night. What I know is this; God has placed those girls on our hearts for a reason. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have worked so hard to come to Ukraine. All the pieces will come together and then we will understand but until then, it is really hard to know what to do. We have another appointment with the SDA on Monday the 5^th. This is a meeting for us to look at files of children. Once we choose from those files we can go and meet the child/children. We are asking God to reveal to us the path he wants us to take. This process is very overwhelming and even hard to explain. All I know is...we can feel everyone's prayers back home because today I can say... I have a peace about what happened and only that can come from God. A prayer partner reminded me of a verse that I have highlighted in my bible. It is James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its works so that you may be matured and complete, not lacking anything." That is what we are leaning on right now and we just ask for your continued prayer.

A NEW DAY!!

So many things have unfolded since my last draft. This is a very long blog but I needed to show how God has unfolded this journey. Jim Bob and I had our SDA appointment which was an emotional rollercoaster. When it was our turn to come in the room to look at pictures, I felt my stomach turn. I was praying that God would just show us this next move. We were only shown just a few photos. We picked a girl from the few photos that we were shown and we also inquired about the girl that was posted on our Facebook page from another family. Masha (the girl from our FB page) was not available for international adoption. So that left us with just one girl to inquire about. We were told to go outside and wait because they lost her files and didn’t know where to find her. Jim Bob and I went off by ourselves to pray that God would show us what to do. I felt so overwhelmed and at times I felt like I wasn’t hearing God. After praying for God’s perfect will, we joined our facilitator and translator. We were at the SDA for 3 ½ hours. This is completely unheard of because you are only given 1 hour and that is it. But for some reason they were letting us make phone calls and letting us take time to figure things out. We got the news that the girl we were inquiring about said that she was too nervous to leave her country. She said that she didn’t think she wanted to be adopted. I felt my heart fall to my feet! Again, I was questioning what the next move was. Just then our facilitator said that we could go and visit two sisters from a region not too far from Kiev. God had brought these two girls back into our lives. A few days prior to our SDA appointment, we were shown pictures of two girls. We looked at the picture and said that they were beautiful girls but we were afraid to go through the rejection from sisters. We were told that they wanted to be adopted so Jim Bob and I thought that we would get more information about them from the SDA appointment. We never did see their pictures while at the appointment and with all the emotions we forgot to ask about them. It was our facilitator who knew in her heart that these girls were meant for us so she reminded us of the possibility of meeting them. Jim Bob and I knew without question that God had brought them back into our lives for a reason. That was the only choice we were given and that is what Jim Bob and I had prayed for; that God would make the choice for us! We got the referral from the SDA and then we packed our belongings and off we went to this new journey that God has paved for us. After a restless night of sleep, we woke up the next morning to venture to the orphanage to meet these two sisters. As Jim Bob and I sat in the director’s office I felt so nervous, I was praying that this was going to all work out. Within a few minutes the director called for the girls to come in. In the very minute of seeing them walk in the room, I knew that God had put me here for those girls. Jim Bob and I didn’t even have to discuss whether or not we wanted to adopt them…we knew we were. The girls sat down at the table across from us and were just smiles. We talked for some time, showed them pictures, and gave them each a gift. Shortly after that we were asked by our facilitator what we thought about the girls and immediately Jim Bob and I said we wanted to adopt them. The director asked the girls the same question and they both nodded their head in excitement. They even asked for paper to write a letter asking to be adopted by us (this is standard for adoptions in Ukraine). Jim Bob and I couldn’t be more excited about this. Today we spent the entire day with the girls. We got to the orphanage around 12. The girls showed us around the school and then we played volleyball outside for quite some time. There were two boys who were with us for the day helping us translate. They were both 15 and they were students at the orphanage. I have to say they did really well. Today was just so amazing and it has become so clear as to why God has brought us here. Although the plans are different, I wouldn’t change anything. Already, Jim Bob and I have created a bond with the girls. All I have to say is…I am glad I serve an Awesome GOD!!!!